Mocking Celebrity Quotes
Dec 25th, 2005 by Alex
The “Verbatim” column in Time never ceases to provide absurd quotations from celebrities. Martha Stewart and Britney Spears provide the latest bits for me to mock.
“It’s on the Internet. I looked it up.”
MARTHA STEWART, revealing to a Vanity Fair interviewer that she knows how to remove the electronic monitoring device she is required to wear on her ankle [1]
Who cares where she is? Nobody should.
Martha Steward is a convicted felon. I think that anyone who lost money in ImClone (around the time of the insider trading scandal) ought to be hooked up with Martha’s exact location whenever they please. They should be exempt from harassment suits in relation to her. She should bear witness to the people that she screwed over, having been too good to take losses like anyone else.
Other than those individuals, no one should care.
“I have to tell the maid to buy diapers and get the pool boy to walk the dog? Can’t I just make out with Kevin all the time? Being married sucks.”
BRITNEY SPEARS, complaining in Allure magazine about the responsibilities of family and stepchildren [2]
There are three words that can sum up my reaction. Boo fucking hoo. Well, perhaps a few more words.
I’m sure that the targeted demographic — young and wanting-to-be-more-beautiful business professionals — of Allure could sympathize with her. Heavens, can you imagine? The hassle and aggravation of raising children, and that they aren’t even hers… it’s just some shameful! That she would have to order other people around to raise her children… the audacity!
This woman’s net worth was estimated by Forbes to be around $125 million USD. Shouldn’t she be out eaching non-fat bonbons on a yacht somewhere? Perhaps she should have considered the repercusions to her lifestyle before getting married.
References
[1] “Notebook” Time 18 July 2005: 13.
[2] “Notebook” Time 28 March 2005: 15.
![[del.icio.us]](http://images.del.icio.us/static/img/delicious.small.gif){kind=small}