Are You a Preemptive Dick?
Dec 26th, 2005 by Alex
Being a “preemptive dick” is a necessary skill for all system administrators, engineers, and technology workers. Alas, Google’s returns on the subject don’t quite capture it. Most technology workers wear multiple hats: the preemptive dick should be one of them.
In the information technology sector, there are many sorts of people. Whether you’re a green systems administrator, a chameleon programmer, or a seasoned network architect, you’ll find the following sorts of people. People who:
- think they have the power to skirt policy
- think they have the power to enforce policy
- think they have profound technical knowledge
Sadly, of all the individuals who think they posses this power and knowledge, few do. There are times when you’ll be discussing some policy point or access control issue with one of these people, and you just know that they are about to make an ass out of themself and waste a lot of your time in the process. These are the moments when you ought to be a “preemptive dick” to them. It is your duty to shut them down before they get going, rudely if necessary. The end result is that you’ll be saving your time and theirs.
For example: Imagine that you control the access to a system and you know that a particular user isn’t allowed in, but you know they’re going to want to discuss it for minutes/hours/days. What good is a discussion or argument about access if you know they can’t have it and aren’t going to get it? Furthermore, you suspect that they’re going to attempt to pull rank, complain to your supervisor, or generally be a dick about it. This is why you must preempt them, to further prevent such aggravation. A typical session will transpire as follows:
User: I need access to the…
SA, nonchalantly: No.
User: But I need…
SA, standing from lunch: Get out before I stab you with these chopsticks!
User, urinating on himself: Sorry.
It’s not about being rude. It’s about saving time: yours and theirs. If you have the time, listen to what the poor schmuck has to say. If not, take lessons from the BOFH series as necessary.
Put on your preemptive dick hat. Wear it proudly.
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For the record, from Wikipedia:
The index page they refer to: http://bofh.ntk.net/bastard.html
The entry has been updated accordingly. Thanks!