Talking Tech Isn’t for Losers
Feb 20th, 2006 by Alex
Ever had a conversation that turned technical, too much so for one of the participants? Ever had that person call you names, interrupt, or try to get the topic changed? They need to get a clue.
Two of my friends are mechanics. If they get talking about their day at work, I lose them. Usually after the first sentence or two, especially if they’re explaining the diagnosis of some obscure problem. The flipside is that if I get going with another technology worker in front of them, chances are my friends will lose what I’m saying.
This happens to everyone at some point, regardless of the subject matter. One second you’re there, engaged in the conversation. The next second two or more people are talking over your head. Not only do you have nothing to contribute, but you don’t understand a word of what’s being said. What follows depends largely on the person who doesn’t get it: their relation to the others, tactfulness, etc.
- For most people, it is as if someone were speaking another language at your table. At first, the annoyance is mild; there’s a conversation that you don’t understand. Confusion sets in, and you wonder why the topic was raised in the first place.
- Between friends and loved ones, it is an accepted thing. We all understand that the topic is important and that it is interesting to you. We know that we have similar topics that are important to us. It happens, so we let it roll.
- For those who insist on being the center of attention, it’s maddening. These are the people that take issue and take evasive (and usually childish) action, like calling names, interrupting, and being rude.
What bothers me is when people express disgust or get derogatory. I see it most often with technically-inclined individuals and those in high-tech jobs. It is hard for me to write intelligently on the subject, because it angers me personally. We’ll get called losers or geeks (and not in a nice, complimentary tone), shushed, and given the visual why-the-hell-are-you-talking-about-this-crap-again look.
Now why should we be berated because we’re talking shop? It’s a shared topic between two people among many others. We’re talking about our profession, which we obviously enjoy since we’re talking about it outside of work. It’s rude to interrupt others based on the topic of conversation, much less berate them. If two women are going on about bridal arrangements, it would be extremely rude to go up and say “no one cares about this crap.”
Being a technology/knowledge worker, I try to temper my excitement in the presence of laymen because I know they care little about the subject matter. But occasionally I need to talk to someone about a problem I’m having, and why not one of my friends with whom I don’t work on a daily basis? He may have solved the problem already or have relevant experience that will contribute to a solution.
It especially irks me when a spouse, girlfriend, or significant other complains about their technically inclined mate; even more so when the technical one is paying the mortgage or bringing home more than their fair share of the bacon.
A few offhand notes for those significant others who don’t get it:
- Talking to our peers is beneficial for us socially and professionally. If we can’t get the response we need from our coworkers and we can’t get it from home, where are we supposed to fill these needs?
- If you’re embarrassed by the technical jabbering of your mate, realize that a chance in professional isn’t likely; even if they did, they’d still be interesting in technology at home. Perhaps you should have thought about that being getting involved?
- What we do in the office is similar to our interests at home. We happen to like our jobs. If you liked your job half as much, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. Why would you — with such an interest in our happiness — want to shut us down when we’re talking about something we like? Calling someone’s occupational/leisure interests “crap” is not at all supportive.
- There are never any complaints when a computer needs fixing. Only when we’re in public are complaints or snide comments made about our technical abilities.
- That “crap” that we’re talking about, that we take such an interest in… It keeps a roof over our head at night, the heat on, food in the fridge. So it isn’t crap.
Can you tell that this sort of things rubs me the wrong way? Those individuals who can’t handle more than one conversation at once, who tend to interrupt, call names, or otherwise be unsupportive of their friends and family… get a clue, or bite your tongue.
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